How to support a loved one with metastatic breast cancer

Living with metastatic breast cancer (MBC) is challenging, and those who have been diagnosed with it need support and care from those closest to them. However, family and friends often need guidance in knowing what to say and how best to help.

There are over 2 million cases a year of breast cancer, leading to over 600 000 deaths globally.¹ The number of new breast cancer cases in 2020, for men and women, totalled 15 491².  Dr Bha Ndungane-Tlakula, Country Medical Director at Pfizer South Africa, discusses the dos and don’ts of providing care and support to MBC sufferers.

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MBC, the most advanced stage of breast cancer, occurs when cancer spreads beyond the breast to other parts of the body, including the bones, liver, lungs or brain.³ Nearly 30% of those diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer will develop metastatic disease.⁴ However, MBC is not hopeless. Many people continue to live long, productive lives with breast cancer in this stage. There are a wide variety of treatment options for metastatic breast cancer, and new medicines are being tested every day.⁴ Dr Ndungane-Tlakula says, “It is important to know that every patient’s treatment plan differs according to their unique case study.”⁴

Those diagnosed with MBC may feel overwhelmed, afraid, anxious, angry and depressed.⁴  “They have a lot to think about and deal with, particularly the threat of their cancer spreading further,” says Dr Ndungane-Tlakula. “Knowing how to be helpful, supportive and empathetic towards them can be tricky.”⁴

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The following serves as a guide to providing appropriate assistance to loved ones afflicted with MBC.⁵

•        Having cancer can diminish a person’s sense of control. Although it may feel helpful to do everything for them, this could exacerbate her feelings of helplessness. Rather start by asking “How best can I help you?”⁵

•        Talk about how you can share household responsibilities, and enlist the help of a friend or family member if this becomes necessary.⁵

•        If the loved one is your partner, talk about how intimacy might change and how fostering a different sense of closeness can be fulfilling to both.⁵

•        If you have children, choose age-appropriate chores that they can help with around the house, so that there is less pressure on each individual.⁵

•        Sometimes the person will just want you to listen. Say, “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?”⁵

•        Plan fun activities together so she can enjoy herself and feel optimistic about the future.⁵

•        End-of-life planning and drawing up wills can be traumatising to the person with MBC. Take care of the practicalities if the need arises, but spend more time on the present and living life in the now.⁵

•        Your loved one may be very worried about creating extra responsibilities or financial strain on the family, especially if they can no longer work. You can help them retain a sense of independence by focusing on what they can do, not on their limitations.⁵

What not to do⁶

•        Don’t mention other people you know of who have died from cancer. Discouraging news is never helpful.⁶

•        Immediately launching into advice about what to try is not helpful. A person with MBC didn’t get cancer because she didn’t change her diet, didn’t pray enough, didn’t take the right supplements, and so on. MBC is a disease that can happen regardless of age, gender, race, faith, lifestyle or family history.⁶

•        If they are in remission, don’t say, “Maybe now you can get on with your life.” People want their sick friend to recover and move on. They don’t want to continue to hear about their latest scan, treatment or set-back. They want them to return to their normal self. However, this is hurtful and insensitive. It’s more helpful to keep inviting them out and including them in your plans.⁶

It’s important to remember that there are MBC survivors who live for decades.⁶  While metastatic breast cancer may not go away completely, treatment may control it for a number of years.⁴  Carefully considered and respectful help and support can go a long way in making the illness more manageable.

Issued on behalf of Pfizer South Africa by Eclipse Communications